🍀Why they call me “Teret” and think I’m a spy🍀

A little back-story:

I moved to a small city in rural Croatia about 4 years ago.

There’s a phrase here: “Croatia is a village.”

Sometimes this is meant in kind terms, like everyone knows each other, many old fashioned ways of life are still prominent and available, and people generally like to help each other.

But it’s also meant as a curse, as in, everyone makes your business their business.

Gossip reigns at coffee bars and night bars.

Like an old Bright Eyes song screams “the truth is that gossip’s as good as Gospel in this town, you can save face, but you won’t ever save your soul!”

Thankfully I learned three things long ago:

1. what other people think of you doesn’t matter at all.
2. Those who gossip about one person gossip about every person.
3. Haters only punch upward, meaning they only strike those who they envy.

The first two I learned via experience, and the third from my friend Ben Settle.

Anyway, this town of ~70,000 people often feels like a village of ~1500.

After being here for 4 years, many of the rumors and gossip have made their way through the grapevine back to my burning ears.

I won’t repeat it all here, only the bits I think might inspire you and soothe your soul a little on the long, treacherous Undoing journey.

Croatian language lesson: the word “Teret,” pronounced with a slightly rolled “R” like in Spanish and most European languages, rhymes with Garrett.

It means a heavy burden.

I found out lately that it’s a nickname some local drunkards gave me—never to my face, of course, but only after I’m gone.

I enjoy connecting with people, and often these conversations go pretty deep, in their estimation at least.

What’s deep for some is common, everyday conversation for others.

I don’t edit myself for my audience, especially not at cafes and bars.

I simply engage with whatever’s got my attention at the moment.

For clients and a select handful of bar/cafe people, they find it delightful and useful to go deep.

For example, I’ve had people here break down in tears when I told them I enjoyed their company and find them interesting.

When I asked why, they say “no one’s ever told me that before, not even my friends.”

That’s something I’ve become accustomed to doing. Sharing how I feel about someone and complimenting what I admire about them.

I don’t live with regrets for things unsaid; instead, I take the risk of embarrassment for breaking through smalltalk and relating to the actual person underneath the sleepwalking scripted conversations.

So that’s my best guess for how I earned the nickname Teret.

I’ll discuss the undoing of the fake personality and the salvation of our potentially eternal souls, rather than the oft-repeated stale scripts most people vomit back and forth for decades.

Now what about this spy accusation?

When I first arrived here, I was a novelty for people.

A random stranger from the golden promised land of America and California, or a denizen of darkness who escaped the evil empire (depending who you ask).

People who’ve traveled the world and come back to live here don’t question why I choose to stay. They understand from experience why I make my life in this beautiful, non-tourist city.

But the ones who haven’t traveled as much, and have a deep desire to live somewhere else, have deduced that I MUST be some kind of spy.

It’s never clear who I work for and what exactly I’m spying on, but for these folks, it’s the only rational explanation for why I stay.

What’s so beautiful about this story is that, in a certain sense, I really am a spy.

If you’ve been around Command Z for awhile, listened to the early podcasts, or done any of the training, you’ll know that I recommend the show Burn Notice for people to get in touch with their “inner spy.”

The inner spy is the character who rescues you out of perpetual self-victimization and forges you into a true Adventurer.

My own inner spy is always present, always observing, always listening.

One simple example: I upset a few people I used to hang out with here just by listening to their dreams and desires—repeated verbatim over two years of knowing them—and explaining how simple it would be for them to actualize those dreams.

This, of course, was my grave mistake. What I didn’t realize was that most people want to talk about their dreams and never actualize them.

I was robbing them of precious victim points by trying to push them into action.

Just a habit I developed from helping so many clients stop thinking about shit and start taking action.

(One prime example is Will, who went from a begrudging IT expert to a floatation center owner—a dream he’d shelved years before he came to Command Z.)

Now I know better.

I only push people who pay me good money to do so.

Otherwise, I let people keep sleepwalking.

But what I can’t do is turn off my own inner spy—that celebrationist always listening, observing, and learning.

So when I go along with smalltalk deliberately, I’m more present to the observer in my mind than I am to the smalltalkers and their imaginary problems.

This must give the impression that I’m hiding something.

And of course, I am.

I’m hiding the fact that I see just how simple it would be for them to trade mediocrity for a spectacular, adventurous life.

Not a trap I’m interested in getting stuck in, especially when there’s no motivation for them to make the leap…

If you’re even a little discerning, there’s a lot of lessons above that you can apply right now in your own life.

And if you’ve shelved a dream somewhere back there and found yourself in a mediocre life, maybe it’s time you get on my schedule so we can activate your inner spy too…

If so, now’s the time.

Schedule

Undoing Intensives starts on January 1, 2023 (more on that soon, but get on my schedule for your invite).

And very soon, I’ll be announcing a private, in person workshop for early Spring on a remote island here on the Croatian coast.

Enjoy,

-Teret the spy.