Guest Post Series: Brendan’s Story

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One of our long time students, Brendan, wrote the following after taking the Mind/Body Restruction courses. Enjoy!

Hey guys! Just finished watching both courses, and now I’m watching them again.

I had a memory of an experience while watching the first course. I can’t remember what exactly it was that Riley said, but the memory was triggered. After that, while watching the second course, Garrett said something that related directly to the same experience. So I thought I’d relate the experience.

This happened about ten years ago, but it has only really been in the past few years that I’ve been able to use it effectively.

I was sitting or lying down, meditating. I slipped into a light trance, and found myself sitting on a chair in a completely black, as in unlit, space. Some distance in front of me, I sensed the approach of something. It was BOUNDING towards me with such joy and energy, the only thing I could relate it too was a really energetic puppy. When I say joy, I don’t mean extreme happiness. I just mean it was raw, unbound by ideas of duality.

It became a puppy, and when it reached me it leapt into my arms. It was spinning and vibrating intensely, much like a super excited puppy would. Another quality it had was cuteness, but a cuteness that was so intense it made me nauseous. It was too much cuteness, or like an imitation of cuteness by something that just had way too much energy, trying to cram itself into the idea of cuteness. Then it turned into a white, glowing ball of energy, about the size of a beach ball.

I knew that this ball was mine to do whatever I wanted. Really, anything I wanted to do with this energy, it was completely open and up to me. This filled me with terror. The idea that I was completely free to do WHATEVER I wanted was the most disturbing thing that had ever occurred to me! I felt a deep connection to the idea that I was totally responsible for my own life. It was all my choices and decisions.

I didn’t have any belief in god, but at that moment I had a very strong sense of a terrible and vengeful god. I kind of had my own sense of how some christians interacted with god as someone to fear. I was terrified by the idea that it was all up to me and I’d have to take full responsibility for my life. I saw that I could choose to deny this, and forever live life being dead, or jump into the joyful terror of existence.

My brain buzzed when Garrett mentioned something about the fear( or awe) of god being the beginning of wisdom.

And that’s my little story!

Someday I’d like to have a live session “in real life” with you guys. Someday!

-Brendan


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