Did I ever tell you about the time I hopped a train from Eugene, Oregon down to Roseville, California?
It wasn’t an Amtrak, in case you’re wondering.
No. It was a mile-long coal-powered beast of a freight train barreling along the tracks.
I didn’t run and catch it like they show in the movies. (That shit’s WAY more dangerous than it looks. Don’t try it. Seriously.) No. I actually hid near a bridge in some tall grass waiting for a train going in the right direction to stop for crew change.
Crew change is when the train stops in a trainyard for the workers to trade place. Guys on the train go home, and guys in the yard get on the train and start work. (Ok, there are some women train workers too, but I never saw any.)
So I sat there in the bushes waiting to get on the train. For hours. When a southbound train stopped in the yard, I waited, looked for guards, and got into what’s called a Canadian grainer.
The car looks something like this:
(Photo by Robert Taylor. Obtained from Wikimedia Commons.)
See that little hole on the right side there? You crawl up into that, and there are two more holes like it to the left and right. Once I crawled up in there, it looked something like this:
(Photo by Nathan Kane. Obtained from Flikr.)
I felt pretty crazed for the first few hours. It got dark. Rain poured down. I tucked my sleeping bag into a huge black plastic trash bag to keep it clean and dry, and lay there half-asleep all night.
I complained to myself for most of those hours about my discomfort, fear of getting caught and thrown off the train, and how much better it was to hitchhike, where at least I had more control over where I was going.
The next day, something totally unexpected happened. The sun came out and I felt the first glimmer of warm air creeping around my face–the only part of me sticking out of the sleeping bag–and finally, I smiled.
When I crawled out of the hole, the glory of what I saw almost knocked me off the train.
Endless fields of green waved to me in the winds from every direction. It was absolutely beautiful, and I felt absolutely free.
I didn’t have to talk to some half-drunk dude like I probably would have if I’d have hitchhiked. There was no one between me and the open skies. All I had to do was enjoy the view, with the absolute knowledge that the train was taking me where I wanted to go.
That really reminds me of my life now.
I haven’t hitchhiked or hopped trains for a few years now, but hopefully a point’s starting to dawn on you.
You’ve been on a roller coaster, right? No matter how much you complain or not, the coaster rolls forward…and takes you where it’s going to take you, whether you like it or not.
Once you choose to get on it, you just let go and enjoy the ride.
That’s a little bit like what life feels like once you’ve gotten deep with the undoing process.
You can relax in the absolute knowledge that your life is heading where it’s supposed to, and you’re there to enjoy the ride.
Just think about it. There’s no way to know where all of our desires, wants, and preferences come from–just like thoughts. They just appear at some point in our minds. Does that mean they have to come true? Obviously not.
But what you can rely on with certainty is what is. That means you can rely on your direct experience and what you can observe to be there for you to observe it. That might sound pretty silly, but it’s true.
Life is always an adventure. Why? Because you never know for sure what’s going to happen next. But, you can know with certainty that the train ride you’re on will keep going, until it doesn’t anymore. At that point, you won’t be around to worry about it anyway.
The only real problem is that we get so caught up in the desires, expectations, and preferences that we can’t see the train ride for the glorious adventure it really is.
Instead, we constantly compare it to our ideas of what we think we might want, and then constantly find things to complain about…never realizing the true freedom in letting go and simply enjoying whatever the hell happens to be happening.
I know. I used to complain like that All.The.Time.
But when you catch a glimpse of all this for yourself, you’ll never have another complaint–even when things don’t seem to go your way. You’ll be too busy enjoying the adventure that is your life.
So how the hell do you get there?
Well, that’s what all the CZ courses, workshops, and experiences are for: to help you stop living the manipulated, complaint-based life–and to embrace your own true adventure, already underway.
Now last week, I put together a huge Command Z MegaPack of courses and sessions, but you asked for a few more options. I know that 797 was a bit too much for some of you, so I’m putting together a better range of stuff so you can get started with your own undoing process, whatever you’re able to do.
Within the next week, I’ll add a couple more options at a better rate, just for you. The thing is, I don’t know exactly how much you’re able to pay for the courses, so please do let me know.
Leave a comment below and let me know, and I’ll do my best to give you more bang for your undoing buck than you can find anywhere else in the world.
It’s a train worth hopping, and when the sun starts to shine on your face–like it did on mine that cool, beautiful morning–you’ll watch your complaints evaporate in the face of your ferocious new smile as you relax deeply and take it all in.
Tomorrow, I’ll get into more detail about where all those complaints and expectations come from, and what you can do about it.
For now, just let me know what rate you’d like to see for a great undoing pack.
PS: Yes. I’m still taking down all the current CZ courses, including Undoing 101 and even the new body segments courses. It’ll all be going into the vault, and available by invitation only, except in certain rare circumstances.
Ever get the feeling there’s more to it?
Like you might have missed something?
That feeling of dread creeping up through your chest, turning into a lump in your throat, and hot flashes across your face…when you realize you’re the only one who didn’t know! (But how could you have known? Even if it’s so obvious after the fact…)
Those things that you’re unaware that you’re unaware of can prove really tough to spot. But there’s moments when you feel drawn into your own life, like an intuitive pulling inward to the richness of your own inspiration and organic drives.
Other times it feels like complete desperation, like that time I had a gun shoved in my back by some dickhead on meth. You know you’ve got to move–there’s no other option–and for some of you, that’s what lead you here.
A sense of wanting to escape the intensity and anxiety of your own insides–to find something more stable, more solid, and more reliable than just running away from your own life–hiding in a blanket of habits out of fear of losing…
Losing what? Your dignity? (do you have any? What does it matter from the grave you’re digging?) Sanity? (What is sanity but another way to measure yourself against an imagined “norm” that literally no one fits into?)
As you stroll through your life, wondering if maybe there’s something more, take a closer look at everything you’re missing right this minute. Even as you start to think about it–right now–you can see,,,,,hear…..;;;;;taste::::smell”””feel a lot more than you did a few seconds ago, when you were completely focused on reading and thinking.
That, my friend, is the terror of your situation. One minute, you feel in full control of things, and the next minute, you feel a victim of the changing tides. Habits and daydreams creep in to blind you to the textures of the life drifting by before your senses.
The only thing it’s possible to prove, or to rely on, is that everything seems to drift it’s way out of your life…out of perception…and as things disappear, do you even notice?
Again, what does it matter?
The only reason for you to suffer is because you’ve unknowingly given preference to something you don’t have over what is.
The way out of that suffering is through bringing your awareness back to the world of what is in this adventure-land of your own perception.
You may never get exactly what you think you want, but if you can learn to want what is, then you can never be defeated. Then you will embrace your own invincible mindset, and find the freedom you’re after to live the life you choose.
Before that, you can only chase ideas, fantasies, and expectations, and find only disappointment when what is doesn’t live up to those ideas.
The cool thing is that what is will always wait patiently for you to come back to it, it will never fail you, and it can never be taken away from you.
That’s the reason I love doing this work: helping to usher you along toward your own realization of what is, and then fractalizing out into your life.
Have you ever taken in the vast, exquisite beauty of what is before it gets drawn and quartered through the filters and funnels of what’s supposed to be?
Every undoing session, adventure, exercise, and experiment is designed to put you in deeper touch with what is, while you UNDO all the shit that ain’t.
What do you think? How does that resonate with you?
Let me know in the comments below. Let’s get a discussion going. I want to hear your take on this.
Chew on that for today, but before I go, I want to invite you to take part in the next 4 week undoing intensives. We’re starting a week from this Saturday (so May 3). Sunday at Noon Pacific, I’ll be holding a live hangout on google. I’ll post the link tomorrow in the daily Undoing email. (Subscribe on the right over there is you haven’t yet. You get new exercises, concepts, and daily undoing boosters!)
It’s the adventure of your life, the best one life has to offer.
Talk to you tomorrow,
That’s what I thought after the first time I ever did a full Radical Undoing session.
I must be having a heart attack. I never knew it could feel like this. I never knew it was possible to feel this much life coursing through my body!
That’s what kept running through my head in that cold room in Buffalo, Wyoming 90 minutes after deciding to do a simple “meditation experiment” I’d been meaning to try.
Holy goddamn fuckin shit, was that an experiment! More like an adventure! I forced my small, hardback Moleskine journal open with one fist, and wrote with a pen jammed into the clasped fingers of my other hand.
Buzzing and tingling radiated throughout every inch of my skin and body. I literally thought I could be dying, I was so unfamiliar with that much intense aliveness.
I was at my partner’s parents’ house for Christmas vacation, and the dinner bell rang in the middle of the most intense experience of my life.
I stumbled up the steps, determined to explain all the secrets of the universe to her happily gathered family.
“I just did this crazy meditation experiment from this book and you’ve gotta try it, it’s like some kind of….” (I had no idea what to call it, so “meditation” had to suffice.)
Right then I learned a very important lesson: don’t put on a punk rock show for a crowd waiting to hear Kenny G. No matter how well you play it, the audience ain’t right.
So I turned off the amps and unplugged for some turkey, potatoes, gravy, and a bottle of beer–which was the best bottle of beer I’ve ever tasted. Come to think of it, that was the first dinner I’d ever had in my new body.
What the hell does that mean, you ask?
Up until that experiment, I never realized I had a body before. I knew that my knees and elbows got scraped, I’d scratched a thousand itches, warmed my hands and feet on raging campfires, and experienced myriad joys of the flesh…and yet, I never fully realized the body in which I experienced all these things.
It might sound ridiculous to think of not having a body one day, and then waking up to the fact that you have one the next day, but that’s exactly what it felt like. Up until that first Undoing session, my body existedmainly as a composite of ideas in my mind.
Before that session, most of my life was like that: ideas in my head. Suddenly, the textures of everything opened up before my newly awakened senses. The weather, my house, the falling snowflakes, a light breeze across the backs of my hands, tingling in my fingers, and a deep warmth were all the first, last, and best possible experiences anyone had ever had, and I knew it, and felt it for myself.
Nothing could get between me and my body ever again. With that new awareness and union, everything else made exquisite sense.
Turns out all that stuff I used to think of as me was just a conglomeration of ideas, like rounded stones and sediment collected in a dry riverbed.
I used to think I was one of those stones.
But, after that first session–and the waves and ripples that rushed through every part of my life–I felt more like the solar system in which suns, planets, rivers and rocks take place.
Maybe that’s a little obscure, so let me bring it back home again. No ideas can ever fully encompass you. In that light, none of your ideas about yourself are accurate. They’re just a collection of observations about the past…about things you remember doing…about things you regret doing and not doing…and a whole lot of ungrounded opinions.
You don’t need your ideas of yourself. What you really want is to feel good, to wake up in the morning excited, curious, and grateful about the day opening before you. And you want to fall asleep feeling good at night, letting go of the day you just had.
The one trick I know to feeling good most (if not all) of the time is to get out of the vicious jungle of your mind and dive deep into your body–especially your breathing.
That’s what radical undoing–and all the Command Z courses, NGF workshops, and adventures are here to help you do: bring you back to yourself, minus the guilt, shame, and belief that there’s something wrong with you as you are.
Because there’s nothing wrong.
When you’re ready to experience this for yourself, get in touch and we’ll figure out which Command Z adventure is right for your situation.
PS: still time to reclaim your mind for more than half off. For those of you who know intuitively that facing mortality can exponentially enhance the quality and appreciation of your time here, get this one too.
I’ll keep this short, so you have time right now to try out this exercise.
It’s very simple, and you can use it to shake yourself out of bad moods, to relax deeply, to feel more alive, and see things from a new perspective.
If you’ve tried any of the exercises I’ve sent out over the past few days, you already know they get better and better the more you do them.
Sometimes when I catch myself drifting into some imagined suffering, an exercise flashes through my mind. If I’m not trying to rebel against my own enjoyment and fun, I take the cue and do the damned exercise, no matter how difficult it is to get myself to do it.
Because of that, aliveness fills my belly, a grin dances onto my face, my arms look for something fun to work on, and a tingling awareness buzzes in my lower back.
Those are just pleasant side effects of breathing deeply and paying attention to your bodily experience. When you ground your awareness in your body, everything else gets easier, and you can finally feel in charge of your states.
Not that you’ll always feel at your best, but you’ll always be willing to do your best, and to squeeze out some fun, laughter, and enjoyment, regardless of the circumstances.
If that sounds like a radical life change, it is. If it seems impossible, I’m here to show that it’s quite possible, if you spend a little time every day dedicated to feeling more alive.
Here’s a video of today’s exercise:
The cool thing about all the CZ exercises is that they get easier and easier to take action toward what you really want, and to make sure you get the most enjoyment and satisfaction possible in all the experiences of your life.
In addition to that physical exercise, you can also learn to put up boundaries to help nudge you more toward your own deepest satisfaction and joy–in every area of your life.
I call the process of putting up those boundaries Psychic Self Defense. What that means is to:
1. Know what you really want. If you have no idea, then your next step is exploring your options and finding out.
2. Aim yourself at what you want, and take action toward it. If you make a mistake or fail, aim again and continue further.
When you don’t know what you want, you can get caught up in the treadmill of a life not of your own making–and that’s not satisfying to anyone, except maybe the people and businesses you donate thousands of days of your life to, and the other businesses you pay to keep you distracted, to help ease the woes of living a life that doesn’t fill you with satisfaction and joy.
When you decide to take the reins of your own life, to play only the games you want to play, and do what deeply satisfies you on a consistent, day to day basis, you’ll be surprised at the resistance that arises to keep you in your place.
Friends, family, coworkers, and popular media create a chorus of doubt, despair, and discouragement that overwhelms and conquers most people’s best intentions before they even get started.
When you start changing your life, be prepared to take responsibility for your own joy and satisfaction, and don’t let the naysaying of other people get in your way.
It’s in that spirit I made the NGF Guide to Psychic Self Defense.
Don’t let another week goes by without standing up for your time, reclaiming your mind, and making progress toward your own best interest…
Have fun earnestly,
PS: The cool thing is, when you master the exercise from today, plus the stuff you learn in the NGF workshop, getting the results you want gets easier, while you have fun and enjoy the process.
It’s your focus on what’s wrong. When you learn to let go–and I mean letting go in the most direct, physical way possible–you’ll watch most of your problems fade in the rear view mirror as you race into a radically different life.
Captain Jack Sparrow says it best: (click “display images” to see)
My handy computer dictionary tells me that problem means “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.” (emphasis added by me.)
If you weren’t feeling uncomfortable, you wouldn’t identify your experiences as problems. The problem is, once we get focused on problems, it’s hard to see things from a different perspective.
The urgency of believing you need to deal with and overcome something can overwhelm and dominate your mind to the exclusion of other perspectives and opportunities.
This is how our problems and obstacles can become habitual ways of thinking–mental prisons that keep us focused in the wrong direction.
Often, you’re just facing the inside wall of your cage, with your back turned to the open door behind you. It’s the need to solve all your imagined problems that’s keeping you from enjoying and flowing with your life.
The only answer is to get a different perspective, to stop defining discomfort as a problem, and to learn to let go of your expectations about how things are supposed to be.
This may seem like some gargantuan feat, but it’s not. It’s actually a very basic step in your natural development.
The sad fact is that the cult of society, or the society of CULTure, has taught each and every one of us how to cling to our imagined obstacles with a stranglehold of suffering.
Do you ever wonder why so many people don’t really enjoy what they do with the majority of their time? And yet, instead of doing something–anything–different, they just carry on day after day, until life recycles them back to the oblivion they came from and finds someone else to play their roles.
Have you ever heard someone complain about their life? Isn’t it funny how much time and effort people will spend complaining about their own problems, without doing a damned thing differently? Then, if those problems run out, they find new problems on the news to complain about.
This is what’s accepted as normal, and what’s normal is completely ridiculous, and no one’s saying anything about it, so the doom parade carries on.
That’s the strangest part about all the conditioning we receive as children: to believe that you are your problems. That way, you’ll never sidestep them and do what you really want with your life.
You’ve got only one option in the face of this terrorific situation: letting go.
First, let go of all the shit that ain’t yours: the problems of the world, the problems of politics, the issues you’re supposed to care about and take sides on.
Second, let go of all those problems you imagine holding you back from what you really want.
The only way I know of to learn how to let go is through using your body.
Try the exercise in the following video, but pay very close attention to the minute details of how to do it. It’s almost impossible to do correctly at first, but when we do sessions together, I can give you specific tips to help you learn how to let go, not only of your tensions, but of all the problems you’ve identified with in your life.
In the 4 week intensives, you’ll quickly discover that the adventures available to you RIGHT NOW will quickly overwhelm all the problems you carry around, and you’ll be forced to make a choice: let go of your problems, or abandon the adventure of your organic life in that amazing spaceship you call your body.
I suggest embracing the adventure of your life, which means letting go of the certainty of your problems in trade for the uncertainty of an open-ended exploration of your life, which means waking up, which is why you’re reading this!
So do the exercise, and let me know how it goes for you. I’m happy to hear from you.
Oh, one more thing, for the next round of intensives, would you like to start on May 3, or closer to the middle of the month? Let me know.
Life is way more fun when you stop pretending you know what happens next, and stop clinging to the problems that make you feel safe and comfortable. Look around…is there anything you’ve fallen asleep to in your life?
Adventure is yours, if you want it.
PS: If you didn’t see it yet, I put together a workshop on reclaiming your mind and body, and cutting off the influences that put your to sleep and convince you to keep living the life someone else wants you to live…instead of your own. That’s the NGF guide to psychic self defense. Over half off for the next couple days.
To answer the question about who’s running your life, you’re going to need a complex piece of advanced technology.
The good news is that you’ve probably got one somewhere nearby. The device in question is a tool often used for deep (and shallow) reflection.
I’m talking about a mirror.
Look deep into your own eyes in that mirror and you’ve got your answer. No matter what your circumstances, ideas, and beliefs tell you, you’re the one in charge.
In charge of what? Of your attitude about what’s going on, of your breath, of your observation, your awareness, and your ability to take action of some sort, or to do nothing at all. (nothing wrong with that!)
It’s really that simple. Now, if you find your mind vomiting up reasons why you’re not in charge of your life, notice that you still have a choice. That choice is to believe, to reject, or to simply ignore that stream of rancid thought that comes from gawd knows where and smears itself like a snail trail across the screen of your mind.
And by recognizing that you have that choice, you’ve proven to yourself in a very simple way that you, indeed, are running your own life.
This can be a hard pillow to swallow. (Who swallows pillows, anyways? Except those who dream of eating giant marshmallows…and those folks are just crazy.)
The point here is to start laughing at things. Silly things. Serious things. Doomsday predictions. Local, State, and National News, and all other attempts at reality TV. You can also laugh at the tragedies of history. Come on, give it a try.
Laughter is one of the simplest methods of psychic self defense. No, that’s not defending your mind against psychics–though that would be a good thing to keep in mind.
Instead, it’s about reclaiming your mind, stealing back the throne in the kingdom of your perception, and making your life your own again.
So laugh a little. Then laugh a lot. It’s good for you. And it’s the only way for you to beat the devil. Now you’re thinking I’m Christian, or at least that I’ve lost my mind.
I haven’t. I’m referring to the Devil tarot card, which just refers to the so-called evil of the world. You know…everything that scares you and drags you down into the pits of fear and the crippling paralysis that follows.
But when you laugh at things you’re not supposed to, you win back a little of your mental freedom, and YOU get to decide when you want to feel bad about things…not just because everyone else thinks you should.
And then, when you find yourself wanting to feel bad about things, laugh again!
Listen. You’re headed for a casket or an incinerator, probably faster than you’d expect, so laugh while you’ve got the guts to laugh with, and then do something that makes you happy…deeply, joyously, rapturously happy!
Once you’re in that casket, none of that somber, serious, historitragical shit’s going to matter, so it doesn’t really matter now either. What matters is your life!
After you stretch your face (breaking apart rigid emotional states and worn-out self images), shrug off everything that doesn’t matter (meaning almost everything except flowing more smoothly with your life), then it’s time to do a deep, hearty belly laugh.
If you can’t find it in you to do that, the following video from the Radical Undoing 101 course gives you an exercise that’ll help you to start enjoying more of your life, more of the time.
(secret: you have to actually do the exercise over and over, just like any other exercise you want to make you stronger.)
To learn even more about the power of the laughing breath, check out another video that gets even deeper into how and why it works:
I remember the first time I realized I could start laughing at all the things that used to drag me down. I was at a workshop with the late, great Dr. Christopher Hyatt, and he was making hilarious Hitler references. I found myself caught in a bind. (Much like the bind you might feel your mind twisting into now after reading the dreaded 6 letter combination: “Hitler”)
I wanted to laugh, but I wasn’t used to laughing at things like that. Something felt different that time, and I finally let loose and had a good belly laugh. You know what? I realized I could find humor anywhere I wanted, regardless of what I’d been taught.
Just because you laugh at something doesn’t make you a “bad person.” It doesn’t make you a supporter of genocide and dictatorship. It just means you laughed. No big deal.
If you find yourself full of tension now, I urge you to revisit those videos above and do the exercise right away.
Oh wait. I almost lied to you. There was another time I laughed at at a very inappropriate time. It was just after my mother’s funeral. I stood on the wintry street in central Minnesota, watching sadly as my friends all piled into two cars to head back to their homes in Minneapolis.
I felt a desperation sweeping through, and loneliness filled my body as I heard the cars cranking over and finally starting. At the last moment before heading out, my friend Tumbleweed leaned out the window with a huge, bearded grin and said: “Happy Birthday, Garrett!”
While my friends looked on in horror and told him to shut up, I couldn’t help but burst into deep, beautiful belly laughter. He broke me out of my trance of darkness, and I’ve never let it take over my perception fully since that moment.
So what’s all this got to do with transformation and undoing yourself?
Well, for one thing, the you that you think you are isn;t the whole picture. In fact, most of it’s composed of opinions and ideas that aren’t your own, and aren’t even true.
If that’s the case, then who the hell are you, anyway? You’ll have to go deep into your body and find out for yourself.
That’s what all these exercises are for. Well, that and having a lot of fun while you learn to start flowing more with what is.
In the next post, I’ll tell you about when I first learned what letting go really means, and how you can start letting go of even the most difficult obstacles in your life. (Another secret: it takes a lot less effort than you think.)
I’ll also invite you to the live Q and A where I’ll share all about the new Radical Undoing 4 Week Intensives (next round starts May 3!)
For now, go laugh your ass off and then get some rest.
PS: Radical Undoing 101 2.0 is in the works. What that means for you is a radically updated version of the course, with extras and bonuses galore. It also means a higher price tag as we improve everything about the course experience. So if you’ve been thinking about getting it, now’s the time, because you get lifetime access to all future upgrades, and this one’s gonna be huge.